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@@ -23,7 +23,7 @@ As I brought my laundry basket downstairs earlier today I checked the front porc
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The "eleven inch" sticks all come markedly short of eleven inches, and they each have some three-plus inches of bare bamboo stick. Some appear to be machine extruded while others show a coating gradient typical with powder-coated sticks. Strange. I start with a strawberry cone:
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## Strawberry (Cones)
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I'm *sure* I've had these before. I have a feeling they may have been among the incense I picked up from a gas station I once frequented not only for [the drinks with the wee glass lizards on them](https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Feaqi1o3yv2441.jpg)[^3], but for their gargantuan incense display. The cones have surprisingly little fragrance before they are burned. Upon lighting, they produce a large amount of smoke. There is a sweet, strikingly artificial, strawberry-like fragrance in the burn. It's reminds me of a strawberry juice-box or fruit snack that's 99% apple juice with a hint of strawberry essence. But mostly, I smell the charcoal and some accelerant. The smell is nostalgic, but not good by any stretch. My throat is already feeling slightly irritated; an inauspicious start. Moving on swiftly.
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I'm *sure* I've had these before. I have a feeling they may have been among the incense I picked up from a gas station I once frequented not only for [the drinks with the wee glass lizards on them](https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Feaqi1o3yv2441.jpg)[^3], but for their gargantuan incense display. The cones have surprisingly little fragrance before they are burned. Upon lighting, they produce a large amount of smoke. There is a sweet, strikingly artificial, strawberry-like fragrance in the burn. It reminds me of a strawberry juice-box or fruit snack that's 99% apple juice with a hint of strawberry essence. But mostly, I smell the charcoal and some accelerant. The smell is nostalgic, but not good by any stretch. My throat is already feeling slightly irritated; an inauspicious start. Moving on swiftly.
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## Coconut
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These have a very strong fragrance on the stick. It's sweet and acidic, almost more like a piña colada than coconut. It smells quite delicious. This fragrance is also inducing some nostalgia for me. On lighting, an aggressively sooty flame leaps to cover the first centimeter or so of the stick; oil appears to emerge from the stick directly beneath the flame. The fragrance upon extinguishing the flame is shocking. It's *foul*: vaporized wax, burning plastic, and some odd fishy note with a hint of artificial coconut. It's the kind of smell that makes you feel that your lifespan is being reduced. I put the stick out in short order.
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---
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title: "One Last Chance for Wild Berry: Reviewing Fizzy Pop Incense Powder"
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description: "If this isn't any good, I'm giving up on Wild Berry once and for all."
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date: 2026-05-28
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tags:
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- Incense
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- Incense Review
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synopsis: "If this isn't any good, I'm giving up on Wild Berry once and for all."
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imageURL: /img/gallery/wild-berry-fizzy-pop/wild-berry-fizzy-pop-powder-5.webp
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imageAlt: "A plasma lighter hovers ominously over the tail of a trail of blue incense powder in the shape of an auspicious cloud, atop a flat layer of ash in a brass censer."
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mastodon_id: "116653399110363374"
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---
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Some time ago, I [reviewed a variety](/blog/an-evening-with-americas-best-incense-wild-berry/) of Wild Berry incense sticks and cones. If you don't know how that went, here's an idea:
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> It’s the kind of smell that makes you feel that your lifespan is being reduced… off-notes are tremendous… beginning to feel as though I’ve french-inhaled my way through a pack of menthol Newports.
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I didn't think I'd wind up returning to the brand, but I figured I'd give them one last chance before I completely wrote it off. If you haunt [/r/incense](https://www.reddit.com/r/Incense/) as much I do, you'll know that *Fizzy Pop* is rated highly by Wild Berry fans. Since my last experience with Wild Berry's incense, I've felt that it may have been a bit of an oversight not to try *Fizzy Pop*. I was also curious about the company's incense powder offering. Not only is it unusual for a western incense brand to offer powder, but in my experience powders don't tend to contain all of the off-notes you might imagine to be supplied by bamboo sticks and binders. It's much easier to make a powder that doesn't stink to the heavens than it is a stick. With that thought, my mind was made up. I simply hadn't been fair to Wild Berry until I'd tried the powder variant of their fan favorite.
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Ten Trumpland fun-bucks, plus shipping, will net you a jar containing 38 grams of shockingly blue incense powder—approximately twelve hours of burn time according to the side of the jar. I sure hope I like this stuff. The fragrance upon opening the jar is a lot of fun. It's strong, smelling distinctly like a concentrated lemon-lime soda syrup, or a fizzy lemon-lime candy. It's uncanny; a super bright, almost powdery, white-musk / laundry detergent note offers a real sensation of effervescence. There are going to be a lot of people who find the unburned fragrance of this stuff sickly, but I happen to love candy and don't mind smells in this category. I don't necessarily want my apartment fragranced of it, but it's fun to smell.
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[](/img/gallery/wild-berry-fizzy-pop/wild-berry-fizzy-pop-powder-8.webp)
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I must admit that it felt *wrong* loading up a stencil with this lightning-blue powder in my Chinese censer. The test-blends I use this thing to burn might not always be great, but they are made of real aromatic woods, resins, and other botanicals. The powder texture was pretty perfect, however, and it was easy enough to make a neat incense seal.
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[](/img/gallery/wild-berry-fizzy-pop/wild-berry-fizzy-pop-powder-5.webp)
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Upon lighting, a long, angry red ember took hold, quickly working its way down the electric blue trail and turning it into a spookily dark black ash. The fragrance that emerged immediately alerted me to the fact that this experiment was a grave mistake. While scrambling to get away without knocking over my camera, I scribbled onto an upside-down notepad:
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> fishy , burning laundry-detergent. metallic. ~~Like~~ smelled like ~~in~~ the ashes of incense. <u>Diabolical</u>. maybe the faintest hint of sprite.
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As I paced the living room, trying to come to terms with what I was experiencing, I realized that I was going to have to sit back down next to the burning incense to take more pictures. Behind the camera the fishy smoke followed me, flying straight at my face like I'd offended it. I covered my mouth with my shirt; it did little good. Even the ember looked like it had it in for me.
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[](/img/gallery/wild-berry-fizzy-pop/wild-berry-fizzy-pop-powder-6.webp)
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In the aftermath of this ordeal, It occurred to me that I may not have managed to write in sufficient detail to constitute a review. I thought about burning another trail to analyze the incense more closely, but I just can't bring myself to do it.
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[](/img/wild-berry-fizzy-pop-powder/diabolical.webp)
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But, really, what more can I say? In my struggle to record the many emotions and sensations I was experiencing, I don't know that I could do much better than "<u>Diabolical</u>" at the time, and I don't know that I can do better now. Yes, I think I'm done with Wild Berry for good at this point. After two, frankly, *harrowing* experiences with the brand, I don't even know that I can muster the courage to try the "Mystic Meadow" sample sticks they've sent me. Not to put too fine a point on it, but how a company can develop, approve, and sell an incense powder that smells so strikingly, aggressively, offensively bad is truly beyond me.
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content/blog/vegan-ranch-dressing.md
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content/blog/vegan-ranch-dressing.md
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---
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title: Making a Decent Vegan Ranch Dressing
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description: Veganizing the corpulegenic condiment at the pinnacle of American sauces.
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synopsis: Veganizing the corpulegenic condiment at the pinnacle of American sauces.
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date: 2026-05-25
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tags:
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- Vegan Cooking
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- Food and Beverage
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imageURL: /img/ranch/vegan-ranch-dressing.webp
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imageAlt: My hand holding a bottle of vegan ranch dressing labeled with blue tape.
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mastodon_id: "116638231076499180"
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---
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If, like me, you have ever lived in the U.S.A., and if, like me, you are of a sufficiently distinguished BMI so as to rank highly the invention of comestibles, you will agree[^1] that Ranch (enPR: rāyŭnch) dressing is one of the great American inventions—right up there with the cotton gin, surgical anesthesia, and the modern assembly line.
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[](/img/ranch/vegan-ranch-dressing.webp)
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For those unfamiliar with the condiment, Ranch dressing is a tangy, herbaceous, and unsettlingly white sauce of moderate viscosity intended for use as a salad dressing. In practice, it is also used as a dip for everything from fresh vegetables to fried foods, and a general purpose condiment that you might find in or on anything from pizzas to sandwiches. These days, Ranch dressing is essentially a cool, green-flecked, less-sweet alternative to ketchup, only limited in its uses by your imagination. The flavor is peculiar. It's creamy, tangy, savory, and herbal all at once in a way that is all its own. Is it any good? Here's what Dan Howell of the internet's most famous gaslighting gay couple had to say about it:
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<figure><div style="position: relative; padding-top: 56.25%;"><iframe title="Dan on Ranch dressing, from @rosegoldphil on TikTok" width="100%" height="100%" src="https://makertube.net/videos/embed/owfr1z6dBtLTWkgNYKoHFa" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen="" sandbox="allow-same-origin allow-scripts allow-popups allow-forms" style="position: absolute; inset: 0px;"></iframe></div><figcaption>They could hide their relationship for sixteen years, but nothing could obscure Dan’s love of Ranch dressing.</figcaption></figure>
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I've been vegan for some twelve years now, and store-bought vegan ranch dressing is unfortunately expensive and rarely scratches the itch for me anyway. Dry Ranch seasoning mixes usually contain dairy, so they're out of the question. Surprisingly, even if this were an affordable avenue, not a single vegan restaurant in the city of Chicago seems to have a decent Ranch dressing either, so I set out to see whether the carnists might have a recipe that I could adapt. I landed on [a homemade Ranch seasoning mix recipe from The Pioneer Woman](https://www.thepioneerwoman.com/food-cooking/recipes/a91701/homemade-ranch-seasoning-mix/). The recipe helpfully includes instructions for making a dressing from the mix, which I also adapted. Making it is easy. Simply whisk together the following dry ingredients:
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|Qty|Unit|Ingredient|
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|1|Tbsp|Dried Parsley|
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|2|tsp|Dried Dill|
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|1|tsp|Dried Chives|
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|1|Tbsp|Garlic Powder|
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|1/2|tsp|Ground Black Pepper|
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|n/a|n/a|MSG to Taste|
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|1|Tbsp|Onion Powder|
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|n/a|n/a|Salt to Taste|
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then whisk the mixture with these wet ingredients until well combined:
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|Qty|Unit|Ingredient|
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|1/4|cup|Lemon Juice|
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|1|cup|Vegan Mayonnaise|
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|2/3|cup|Vegan Sour Cream|
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|3/4|cup|Water|
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Now store your homemade vegan Ranch dressing in the fridge, and use it within five days. I'm sure this won't present a challenge.
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[^1]: By continuing readers agree to indemnify, defend, and hold the author harmless from any and all claims arising from or related to neck sprains and other injuries sustained through vigorous nodding in agreement.
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content/blog/what-would-you-do-if-you-didnt-have-to-work.md
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content/blog/what-would-you-do-if-you-didnt-have-to-work.md
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---
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title: "Re: What Would You Do if You Didn't Have to Work?"
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description: "Oh the lives we could lead without capitalism in the way."
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date: 2026-05-18
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tags:
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- Life
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- Quick Thoughts
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synopsis: "Oh the lives we could lead without capitalism in the way."
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imageURL: /img/what-would-you-do-if-you-didnt-have-to-work/ducc.webp
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imageAlt: "A close up shot of a well fed mallard with a shiny green head bobbing about in the Chicago River."
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mastodon_id: "116596651947015321"
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---
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In response to [this recent post](https://gary.onl/what-would-you-do-if-you-didnt-have-to-work/) by [gary online](https://gary.onl/): I am *absolutely* not someone who derives their worth or identity by what they do
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to earn a crust. If I didn't have to work, I'd lead a richness of life that
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would put to shame both the wastrels[^1] of ~~inherited~~ *stolen* means who live by
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the labor of others, and the wealthy denizens of the c-suite who earn their
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exorbitant salaries by becoming professional whip-crackers for the former. Here
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are a few things I'd like to do.
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[](/img/what-would-you-do-if-you-didnt-have-to-work/ducc.webp)
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- Learn
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[Launy Grøndahl's Trombone Concerto](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AY8VJ6n83Qs&list=RDAY8VJ6n83Qs&start_radio=1)
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so well I could play it in the middle of a battlefield.
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- Finally get around to learning tenor clef in order to be able to do so.
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- Cook for people: great big trays of vegan mac and cheese, spaghetti squash
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with all sorts of sauces, coconut curries, baked beans, cornbread, teriyaki,
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pizzas, burgers in homemade pretzel rolls, foccacia with olive oil and
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balsamic vinegar for dipping, crunchy palmiers, millionaire's shortbread, tablet,
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dosa, sambar, kale salads with pickled vegetables and crispy tofu, orange
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faux chicken, seitan deli meats and country-fried steaks, biscuits and
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"sausage" gravy, and more.
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- Learn to make stovies, vegan haggis, peshwari naan, and sourdough bread, and
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other delicious things.
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- Get really good at programming.
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- Learn C++ so that I can contribute code to open source projects like
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[Scribus](https://www.scribus.net/), [Inkscape](https://inkscape.org/), and
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[KDE](https://kde.org/).
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- Focus on my health and fitness.
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- Go to college and/or university, something I never had the chance to do, and
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learn about psychology, computer science, music, mathematics, statistics,
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design, and electrical engineering.
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- Take courses for the fun of learning something new.
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- Write more.
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- Spend more time with my partner.
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- Spend more time socializing.
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- Go on more walks.
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- Feed peas to the ducks on the river more days than not.
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- Make more incense.
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- Get really good at making incense.
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- Try my hand at enfleurage
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- Learn perfumery.
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- Take a first-aid course.
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- Design signage and informational material for public benefit.
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- Get back into welding.
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- Attempt to make soap.
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- Lay in the grass on sunny days drinking shandy and eating vegan cheese and
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crackers.
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- Get my Spanish into shape.
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- Learn German.
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- Learn more Scots. Maybe write something in it.
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- Write music.
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- Wile away afternoons in cafés drinking tea.
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- Search for resins and local aromatics.
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- Take the bus to different towns just to walk around.
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- Read more books.
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- Not worry about what time it is.
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[^1]: You ever meet one of those modern Bertie Wooster types? It's all bottle service, trips to Dubai, and overpriced yet under-seasoned lunches. Wealth truly is wasted on the wealthy.
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