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@@ -16,25 +16,25 @@ It is true that I typically enjoy incense made out of, well, incense, but hell,
Wild Berry sells an *incredible* variety of fragrances, and I've chosen six of them: some fruits, some resins, and some fragrances that I'd expect to be more like compositions rather than single notes. When placing the order, I noticed that the website sold resealable bags for a dollar or two. Not wanting to waste money, and figuring they wouldn't mind parting with ten cents worth of plastic for a $40 order, I entered a note asking whether they could throw in a few, provided the bags the incense came in by default couldn't be resealed.
As I brought my laundry basket downstairs earlier today I checked the front porch for parcels. Jackpot. I've got the apartment to myself and nothing better to do, so I figure I'll order a takeaway, binge-watch some [Foundation](https://www.rottentomatoes.com/tv/foundation), and try some of "America's Best" incense sticks while my laundry thumps around in the drier. I open the box, plonk it on the coffee table and began to rifle through the selection. Not a resealable bag in sight. Great; now the smell of this stuff is going to be slowly leeching into my apartment for time immemorial. I do however get a sticker and five sample sticks of "Mango Passion."
As I brought my laundry basket downstairs earlier today I checked the front porch for parcels. Jackpot. I had the apartment to myself and nothing better to do, so I figured I'd order a takeaway, binge-watch some [Foundation](https://www.rottentomatoes.com/tv/foundation), and try some of "America's Best" incense sticks while my laundry thumped around in the drier. I opened the box, plonked it on the coffee table and began to rifle through the selection. Not a resealable bag in sight. Great, I thought; now the smell of this stuff is going to be slowly leeching into my apartment for time immemorial. I did however get a sticker and five sample sticks of "Mango Passion."
[![Several packs of incense sticks with a ruler on top showing a stick length significantly below eleven inches, as well as some three plus inches of uncoated bamboo stick.](/img/wildBerry/wild_berry_incense_sticks.webp "Not a resealable bag in sight.")](/img/wildBerry/wild_berry_incense_sticks.webp)
The "eleven inch" sticks all come markedly short of eleven inches, and they each have some three-plus inches of bare bamboo stick. Some appear to be machine extruded while others show a coating gradient typical with powder-coated sticks. Strange. I start with a strawberry cone:
## Strawberry (Cones)
I'm *sure* I had these before. I have a feeling they may have been among the incense I picked up from a gas station near my school that I used to frequent not only for [the drinks with the wee glass lizards on them](https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Feaqi1o3yv2441.jpg)[^3], but for their gargantuan incense display. The cones have surprisingly little fragrance before they are burned. Upon lighting, they produce a large amount of smoke. There is a sweet, strikingly artificial, strawberry-like fragrance in the burn. It's reminds me of a strawberry juice-box or fruit snack that's 99% apple juice with a hint of strawberry essence. But mostly, I smell the charcoal and some accelerant. The smell is nostalgic, but not good by any stretch. My throat is already feeling slightly irritated; an inauspicious start. Moving on swiftly.
I'm *sure* I've had these before. I have a feeling they may have been among the incense I picked up from a gas station I once frequented not only for [the drinks with the wee glass lizards on them](https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Feaqi1o3yv2441.jpg)[^3], but for their gargantuan incense display. The cones have surprisingly little fragrance before they are burned. Upon lighting, they produce a large amount of smoke. There is a sweet, strikingly artificial, strawberry-like fragrance in the burn. It's reminds me of a strawberry juice-box or fruit snack that's 99% apple juice with a hint of strawberry essence. But mostly, I smell the charcoal and some accelerant. The smell is nostalgic, but not good by any stretch. My throat is already feeling slightly irritated; an inauspicious start. Moving on swiftly.
## Coconut
These have a very strong fragrance on the stick. It's sweet and acidic, almost more like a piña colada that coconut. It smells quite delicious. This fragrance is also inducing some nostalgia for me. On lighting, an aggressively sooty flame leaps to cover the first centimeter or so of the stick; oil appears to emerge from the stick directly beneath the flame. The fragrance upon extinguishing the flame is shocking. It's *foul*: vaporized wax, burning plastic, and some odd fishy note with a hint of artificial coconut. It's the kind of smell that makes you feel that your lifespan is being reduced. I put the stick out in short order.
These have a very strong fragrance on the stick. It's sweet and acidic, almost more like a piña colada than coconut. It smells quite delicious. This fragrance is also inducing some nostalgia for me. On lighting, an aggressively sooty flame leaps to cover the first centimeter or so of the stick; oil appears to emerge from the stick directly beneath the flame. The fragrance upon extinguishing the flame is shocking. It's *foul*: vaporized wax, burning plastic, and some odd fishy note with a hint of artificial coconut. It's the kind of smell that makes you feel that your lifespan is being reduced. I put the stick out in short order.
## Frankincense
I was keen to try this one; I wanted to know how close it would be to its namesake. Not remotely, as it happens. You ever walk into a Joann or Michaels craft store around Christmas? That's what this stick smells like. Sickly sweet, artificially spicy—a bit like like rum-raisin ice-cream and men's spray-on deodorant with a hint of Play-Doh. Since that coconut stick put the fear of god into me, I've decided to start burning these sticks far, far away from where I'm sitting. The kitchen will do. I place the burner on wooden prep table in my kitchen. I hold my breath while lighting and quickly scuttle off back to the couch to watch Brother Day try to keep the empire afloat. I have no doubt the fragrance will find me there. To my surprise, this rather powerful fragrance actually comes through reasonably well in the burn; it's definitely not as abominable as the coconut. Still, I have to put it out before long.
I was keen to try this one; I wanted to know how close it would be to its namesake. Not remotely, as it happens. You ever walk into a Joann or Michaels craft store around Christmas? That's what this stick smells like. Sickly sweet, artificially spicy—a bit like like rum-raisin ice-cream and men's spray-on deodorant with a hint of Play-Doh. Since that coconut stick put the fear of god into me, I've decided to start burning these sticks far, far away from where I'm sitting. The kitchen will do. I place the burner on my wooden prep table. I hold my breath while lighting and quickly scuttle off back to the couch to watch Brother Day try to keep the empire afloat. I have no doubt the fragrance will find me there. To my surprise, this rather powerful fragrance actually comes through reasonably well in the burn; it's definitely not as abominable as the coconut. Still, I have to put it out before long.
Around this point my takeaway arrives, so I decide to take a break. I cast my eyes onto the open package as I eat. It smells like someone's eating a fruit salad in a perfume shop. I consider moving it.
## Dragon's Blood
Like frankincense, my collection of something like 100 fragrant materials in various jars, bags, bottles, and tubes includes dragon's blood. That's the thing about resins: they're real substances that people own, and so if you name an incense stick after them, people are going to know when you're fibbing. This stick smells like baking spice and tart fruit, which is confusingly close to how I might describe actual dragon's blood resin, but it still somehow smells nothing like it. There is also a benzoin-like sweetness on the unlit stick. The fragrance in the burn is mercifully close to that of the unlit stick, but like the others, it comes along with a boat-load of off-notes. As with the Frankincense, this very strong fragrance quickly became too much.
Like frankincense, my collection of some 100 fragrant materials in various jars, bags, bottles, and tubes includes dragon's blood. That's the thing about resins: they're real substances that people own, and so if you name an incense stick after them, people are going to know when you're fibbing. This stick smells like baking spice and tart fruit, which is confusingly close to how I might describe actual dragon's blood resin, but it still somehow smells nothing like it. There is also a benzoin-like sweetness on the unlit stick. The fragrance in the burn is mercifully close to that of the unlit stick, but like the others, it comes along with a boat-load of off-notes. As with the Frankincense, this very strong fragrance quickly became too much.
I'm feeling a touch dejected. I knew this incense was going to be bad, but I had hoped it would be bad in a fun way, like a fast-food hamburger, or a toy from a cereal box. So far it's just been a bit depressing.
@@ -55,7 +55,7 @@ Now so close to the end, my mind and body are crying out for rest. Like the stic
## Free Sample: Mango Passion
As I reach my final task, my spirits are low; my nose a ragged wanderer on his sun-blistered belly, inching towards a verdant oasis after untold hours in the quivering heat, prostrate before the silent might of the dunes. I light a stick.
How dearly I wish these sticks had been a handful of resealable bags. The fragrance of the unlit stick is pleasant enough: bright passion fruit and mango, per the name. It actually manages to come through relatively intact in the burn too, but all of those unpleasant smells we've come to expect alongside it really ruin the experience. This time the fire is in a Garnier Fructis production facility. With this out of the way, I am free.
How dearly I wish these sticks had instead been a handful of resealable bags. The fragrance of the unlit stick is pleasant enough: bright passion fruit and mango, per the name. It actually manages to come through relatively intact in the burn too, but all of those unpleasant smells we've come to expect alongside it really ruin the experience. This time the fire is in a Garnier Fructis production facility. With this out of the way, I am free.
## Conclusion
I don't expect you to believe me, but I *did not* intend this article to be a hit-piece. I had anticipated a [Review Brah](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TheReportOfTheWeek) style affair, where I got to sample some inelegant but fine enough incense sticks in fun fragrances. I had hoped that together we could take a dip into what would turn out to be the murky but cool waters of American commodity incense and emerge refreshed, if a touch muddy. Instead, I feel that we've come away with [brain-eating amobea](https://www.cdc.gov/naegleria/about/index.html).